Eurovision 2017: Semi-Finals 2

And we’re back for night two. Like the populace that watched rapt for 75 consecutive Hunger Games, we’re back for our well deserved bread and circus.  So what does the night have in store for us? Let’s jump in!

Russia – Julia Samoylova3 – “Flame Is Burning”

Just kidding. Russia didn’t perform, for reasons we’re all well aware of.

His shirt and jacket. I. Can’t. Even.

And then a Ukrainian folk medley of past Eurovision songs.

Where was this last night? This life! And musical talent! And humor! Last night we had dead fish and flat jokes. Why did they hide all of this away?!

Serbia – Tijana Bogićević – “In Too Deep”

The chorus on this is about to turn into Katy Perry’s Firework.  Dress by Pnina Tornai?

Austria – Nathan Trent – “Running on Air”

Do you sort of like Jason Mraz, but wish he were a little bit easier to listen to?

F.Y.R. Macedonia – Jana Burčeska – “Dance Alone”

There’s irony in performing a song called “Dance Alone” moments after announcing your pregnancy. Vocals aren’t great, but the song is catchy enough that I wouldn’t turn it off were it on the radio.

Malta – Claudia Faniello – “Breathlessly”

I’m assuming there’s a mass wedding after this round. That’s the only reason I can think of for all these bridal gowns. Still, damn strong vocals. And finish with a Great Gatsby reference…

Romania – Ilinca and Alex Florea – “Yodel It!”

And this is why we’re here tonight. The appeal of Euro-pop, the thrill of yodeling, the suspense of cannons pointed at your live act! YODEL IT!

Netherlands – O’G3NE – “Lights and Shadows”

This is Wilson Phillips. Is that bad? Good? It is just Wilson Phillips. And they may be watching… The Crow instead of making a background video.

Hungary – Joci Pápai – “Origo”

Look at that man’s outfit. Look at the jug he’s playing. Now know that I unironically love this song.

Denmark – Anja Nissen – “Where I Am”

The only thing that stands out about this power ballad is that her dress isn’t white.

Ireland – Brendan Murray – “Dying to Try”

Brendan Murray has the name of Anne, the face of Justin Trudeau, and the hot air balloon of Tim Burton.

San Marino – Valentina Monetta and Jimmie Wilson – “Spirit of the Night”

She seems like she thinks she’s doing an SNL skit. He’s got a Tom Jones thing going on. But not like the sex, successful Tom Jones. The “how did that guy have a career” Tom Jones that my generations regards him as.

Croatia – Jacques Houdek – “My Friend”

This. Performance. Performances? He does a duet with himself across three different octaves. When he turns one way, he praises the lord. But when he turns this way he sings opera!

Also, the heavily made-up man in leather, metal studs, and metallic finger-less gloves is a big honking homophobe.


Norway – JOWST – “Grab the Moment”

The only thing that strikes me as odd is that they seem like an electronic act, and the vocals are the track guest. Still, it’s a catchy, chill song. I dig it.

Switzerland – Timebelle – “Apollo”

She is putting the Belle in Timebelle. But damn, this song sounds exactly like another song and I can’t, for the life of me, remember what it’s called.

Belarus – Naviband – “Story of My Life”

After last year, they have a lot to live up to.

Okay, last year was 1000% more Eurovision, but this was adorable as hell. Probably my favorite song of the whole competition so far. Like, I now own that album.

Bulgaria – Kristian Kostov – “Beautiful Mess”

The first thing that struck me was that Kristian Kostov really looks like a mix between Angie Lopez and Danny Pintauro.

But after I got over that initial shock, it was a really good performance. Slow songs are a bit of a touch sell, especially if they don’t have some sort of an edge to the performance. This worked for me. And I’d also kill for his coat.

Lithuania – Fusedmarc – “Rain of Revolution”

If someone did a terrible modern cover of Funky Nassau, and if someone were to pick it for karaoke night,  and if that person were to do it in Bjork cosplay, then you’d get a very close approximation to this performance.

Estonia – Koit Toome and Laura – “Verona”

I don’t know what’s more laughable, the use of Romeo and Juliet as an inspirational relationship, or this guy’s awkwardly explicit dramatic smolder.

Israel – Imri – “I Feel Alive”

Ah, Israel’s entry. That can only mean some Tel Aviv dude-bro to deliver a generic Euro-pop dance song and to be a little too intimate and familiar with the camera. Let’s see if this year disappoints…

Nope. That’s exactly what I expected.

And that’s Semi-Finals 2. Signing off for the night, and I hope you tune in with us for Saturday’s finale.

About Adam

Adam is a Jewish American who's sick of the white Christian male being America's "default" setting. For money he works in a public library because free books and information access are wonderful things. For love he writes here for his pet project, The Chaotic Neutral, which is always looking for more writers. You can follow him on Instagram, Goodreads, and at his oft neglected Twitter where he will try to post more, and probably live-tweet the Eurovision Song Contest.

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