Superbowl 53 Party Review!

Hello Chaotic Neutral!

When we last checked in for the Superbowl, the Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots, I made chili, and a fun time party was had by all.

Well the Patriots are back in the big game this year1, and I’m back to tell you all about it.

The year in football was pretty good! In the fantasy football league I play in with my friends, My team, the Christopher Rush Fan Club2 ended up in second…To last place3…Par for the course over at League Totally Awesome.

In my work league, which I won last year, my team, The Handsome Devils came in a very respectable third. I don’t understand why I can do so well in one league but not the other, but Fantasy is a weird mistress.

What a weird mistress may look like.

As for the real stuff? Let’s get into it.

Another year, another party! Happy 2019 everyone!

I. The Food

We had all sorts of tasty homemade treats! Monkey Bread prepared fresh by Michal, Fluffernutter sandwiches, Puppy Chow, and Patriot parfaits4 prepared by Caroline. Crudites, and a number of other little snacks.
Also on the menu was my famous tomatoeless Chili5

Most of the chili prep was on Saturday. Of course, I had to get the slow cooker off the top shelf. So here’s a little something for the ladies.

Saturday also featured a Groundhog’s Day morning showing of Groundhog’s Day down at the Nitehawk theater. The movie was very good! But you all know it’s very good. An existential nightmare comedy goldmine! Similar in theme to Follow That Bird! Which was the Sesame Street movie where some hired goons kidnapped Big Bird and dyed him blue and forced him to perform in a circus. Which is a weird thing to do with a sentient being.

I was also dealing with trying to book a vacation rental for my family. 12 adults, 4 kids, and 2 babies all sequestered in a lovely beach home. But that has nothing to do with Chili. The point is that this recipe is aces.

Not to brag, but his may be the best Chili I’ve ever made. It’s similar to last years recipe, although I’ve toyed with it over the year. Recipe changes are listed below. Take a look and be jealous.

II. Beer Selection.

Behold! I like a good mix of cheap stuff and fancier pilsners for games like this.

III. The Game itself!

Patriots win! Patriots win! 13 to 3 against the Los Angeles Rams6.

It was, admittedly, a horrible game. The lowest scoring game in Superbowl history, I believe7. But whatever. I don’t need my boys to win by 50 points. The only thing that matters is winning by “some”. And we did that!

Also, my rarely used super power worked. I feel that once per season, I can call out the phrase, “Throw an interception!” And the opposing quarterback will do just that. I only get to do it once per season. I saved it this year…Saved it til the very end…And it worked! Hooray for Phil!

And for those reading who hate the Patriots because they’re always in the Superbowl, I say only this. For the first 20 years of my life, the Patriots were terrible. They’d get to the playoffs occasionally, but it wasn’t until the Kraft/Belechick/Brady era that things clicked. And that era is not long for this world. Whatever your team is, (And Kansas City, I’m looking at you) it can happen for you! Soon the sun will set upon Patriots nation. It kind of has to within a year or two. Brady and Belechick are going to retire. Gronk’s probably gone after this year. There’s only so much magic one can conjure. Only so much water in the well…Never say die of course, but I’d be perfectly happy with this incredible twenty year run of greatness.

IV. Halftime Show.

Keeping with tradition, we muted the halftime show and put on an album8.

Last year we listened to The Who’s Tommy. This year we went with The Singles record by the Pretenders. I’ve found that half an album usually covers the entire halftime show and that was the case here. Apparently it was the good and lucky choice. Plus the Pretenders are amazing in any case. You’re welcome Patriots nation.

Stop your sobbing, guys. The Patriots won!

V. The Commercials.

I think Budweiser is the clear winner again. While the commercials were largely unmemorable, I did like the epic journey that the Budweiser clan partook in order to bring the corn syrup to their competitors. Dilly dilly!

I also liked Zoe Kravitz whispering to me about beer. I don’t even remember what kind of beer it was. Hell it might not even been about beer. But, to quote my fiancée, “Man, that was hot.”9

And of course, who doesn’t like Andy?

What a horrid bore this game was…he seemed to say.

And that’s about it! All in all, I’d rate the whole thing a 4.5 stars. Great food, great friends, boring game, but the right team won.

See you next year, Everyone!


1 Shocking, I know
2 Named after the late, great artist Christopher Rush, who used to do illustrations for Magic: The Gathering, and to whom I wrote a fan letter to one time.
3 Narrowly edging out my fiancee
4 Raspberry Jello, fresh whipped cream, and blueberries.
5 Half a pound of Pork
2 pounds fresh ground beef.
8 oz Ground Fresh Chili Paste. (I used Sambal Oelek brand)
7 oz Sweet Chili Sauce. I used Kame brand.
The ounces listed are simply the size of the bottles. I like a mix of hot and sweet but anything around 15-16 ounces or so should be fine.
4 cloves of garlic
5 Tablespoons of chili powder
2 teaspoons of ground cumin
2 teaspoons of dried oregano
1 can of kidney beans – drained
1 can of cannellini beans – drained
1 tsp. of Apple Cider Vinegar
15 oz of beef broth
1 chopped yellow onion
3 chopped fresh jalapeno peppers
Brown and drain the meat. Chop and sautee the onions. But leave the jalapeno fresh. Mince the garlic. Dump everything but the vinegar in the slow cooker, And cook for 4 hours, mixing occasionally (You’re probably fine once every 45 minutes to an hour. Refrigerate overnight. Then back on the slow cooker on low for another 3 to 4 hours, mixing occasionally. As soon as it gets hot, add the vinegar.
6 Who I think we all agree shouldn’t have been there in the first place.
7 And confirmed by Google. The previous record for lowest scoring game was Superbowl 7, where the Miami Dolphins beat Washington 14 to 7.
8 Because I dislike Maroon 5. the band doesn’t inspire me. Good for them being millionaires of course, but I feel like it’s the most basic garbage one can throw out to the world. I don’t know that the band has ever come close to taking a risk while writing their songs, but that’s fine. I don’t have to listen to them or respect them.
9 Amanda says that it’s Michelob. So good job, Michelob, that’s the first time I’ve heard Amanda ever mention that particular beer.

About Philippe L.

When not out exploring the stars with his good friend Hotblack Desiato, he makes his living here on Earth keeping other people's money safe from the hands of thieves and spinning the occasional yarn. He enjoys beer and coffee very much, but unfortunately he can't eat shellfish or tomatoes.

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