Many years ago, I dated a girl named Rebecca Cohen. In a weird bit of kismet, my cousin also dated her. Not at the same time of course. He dated her after I did. I didn’t find out about that until years later because Rebecca wasn’t speaking to me and…
What exactly is “Ascension”? In plain terms, it’s when God is all, “You sir or madame, are so fantastic that you can come to heaven without dying first.” Then you float up into the sky all Matrix style. It happens a ton of times in the bible, and yet, whenever…
Since, God willing, this will be the last time I write a gospel, I’m putting all of my cards on the table. (So that later, nobody can call me a snake in the grass.) 1. I do not believe in God. a. I had heard the truth about Santa Claus…
If ever I get married, I’m not sure how many of my ex-girlfriends my bride-to-be will let me invite. I’m assuming that we’ll just negotiate a number. My absolute floor is four, but I’m hoping for six. (I’m thinking that if I start the negotiations at nine, I can at…
I recently visited my family at our farm in the western part of Massachusetts. The town is situated on top of a mountain surrounded by forests and pastures. There’s an abundance of peace and quiet. There was also an abundance of snow and general cold weather on my trip. On…
First things first, the author is not sure how Google works but wants to try something. Illuminati, Magic, Sex, Application tips for Vassar, etc. Secondly, much of what we envision about the ethereal plane is not actually in the bible. Take for example our vision of hell. Almost all of…
Jesus was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his crucifixion was signed by the High Priest, Herod, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Pilate signed it: and Pilate’s name was good upon anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Jesus…
I want to tell you a story about Lucifer. Not the devil. Just this kid I knew one time. Lucifer was so named because his mother was crazy. This was a fact I learned when I met her at a dinner party. Although. Actually let’s go back a bit. A…
Recently, my girlfriend and I decided to take a vacation. During the initial planning stages, she asked me where I wanted to go. I replied that I wanted to go to the beach. Any beach really. I grew up on the ocean and it makes me happy. She also makes…
I think that as a religion, the Christians should reevaluate their position on Satan. (Or is it Lucifer?) Other than the book of Revelation, which is problematic at best, the only actual dickish things he does are in Job. The text says that Satan hangs out in heaven from time…
You guys like Batman, right? Of course you do. He’s smart (Depending on the writer.) The ladies love him (Depending on the writer.) And he’s usually kind of a dick to everyone (Which I like but of course it depends on the writer.) For those who aren’t aware, Batman was…
“Oh wait, what chapter is this?” I recently shouted to my cat. The cat looked up at me. “It’s chapter nine and I forgot about the rest of the apostles!” My cat, as usual, was largely indifferent to this information and went back to his nap. I stared at him…
